FAQ/WTF

Frequently Asked Questions and What The Fucks?!

Need help?

I'm unhappy with my purchase!

Well fuck, that wasn't supposed to happen! Send me a message, and I will do my best to make you happy again. About the product, specifically. I can not help with the general malaise we are all feeling.

I'm missing something...

Is it your hope for the future? I hear that's been going around lately. If you're missing something in your kit (or it's fucked up in some way), send me a message, and I'll make it better!

I don't know where to start?

Have you tried Jesus? What about weed? Or you could click here (this is where I'm going to put a link to the Resources page...once I make the Resources page).

You suck!

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I have a question?

Girl, I got some answers. Key word is "some." Keep scrolling to see if I read your mind! If I didn't, send me a message, and I'll do my best! And if I don't know the answer, I'll respond with "Fuck if I know" so you'll know I read your message.

Patterns

I bought a pattern, how do I download it?

Check your email. You will receive a download link there. If you don't see it, check your spam folder. And I'm really sorry you had to look at your spam folder. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

I bought a kit, can I get a digital copy of the pattern?

You sure can! Send me your order number, and I'll hook you up. With the pattern, I mean. I don't do that other stuff anymore. I swear.

There's a mistake in your pattern.

Fuuuuuck. I hate when that happens. But it does. Please send me a message, and I will fix it so future customers don't have to see my shame. I will be forever grateful.

Are these the same patterns you sell on Etsy?

Yep. If you buy on Etsy, they take a cut. But then I also get boosted in their stupid algorithm and (supposedly) get discovered more. It's a racket, but for now I'm playing their game. Buy where it's best for you.

If you do buy on Etsy, please leave me a good review! Unless you're unhappy. Then quietly, in a non-public way, please let me know so I can fix the problem without you destroying my fragile 4.9 star rating.

Kits

Is it really DMC thread?

Trust me, I hate shitty thread. I wouldn't do that to you. I only use authentic DMC threads in my kits. For most colors, I buy large spools of DMC floss, and I measure and cut by hand.

How long are the pre-cut threads?

The pre-cut threads are roughly 40 inches. When folded in half and using the loop start, each strand will give you a 20 inch length of thread to work with. Long enough to not have to change threads every 10 minutes, short enough to avoid big tangles and worn-looking thread.

If you prefer to use a weaving start, you can cut each thread in half.

And if you don't give a shit about being a "good cross stitcher" or having worn-looking threads, you can try using 2 strands of all 40 inches. I won't judge.

Will there be enough colored floss?

Yes. I calculate how many yards are needed, then I round up to the nearest yard, then I double it. Then instead of measuring 1 yard of thread, I cut them to 40 inches.

It's the same math guys use for their height.

Ok, but what if I run out?

Shit happens, but unlike the state of the world, this one can be fixed! Send me a message letting me know which kit you're working on and which color(s) you are out of, and I'll send you some.

If you're impatient like me, you can head to your nearest Michael's and buy more. My kits include authentic DMC threads, so you can use the number code on the pattern to get an exact color match.

Cross Stitch

What is up with all this tangling?

If you see a tangle forming, GO SLOWLY. Almost all tangles are un-tangle-able (sp?) as long as you don't pull the thread tight.

To prevent tangles:

Use threads that are 18-20 inches long
Regularly let your needle and thread dangle free from the fabric. Watch it untwist. Think about how dangle and tangle rhyme.
Use thread conditioner or wax to, umm, lubricate the thread? I know that sounds dirty, but I can't think of the right word. Send suggestions.

What the Fuck?!

What the fuck is wrong with people?

I don't know. I try to avoid them by staying home and doing cross stitch.

Is democracy over?

Maybe? Probably. I don't fucking know. I stopped reading the news because it gave me nightmares every night. Now I just dream of cross stitch patterns and being besties with Pedro Pascal.

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